Onto 2016

Three months into the year 2016 and I am finally sitting down to reflect on 2015. I'm not one to set New Years resolutions but, I do like to look back on the year and think about how I can improve myself in the new year. 2015 was a big year for me. From January to May I was pretty much only consumed with nursing school. It was really my only focus. I ate, slept, breathed nursing school. It sounds dramatic but you only know how nursing school is if you're going through it. I wanted to be successful. And I was. I accomplished one of the hardest tasks I have ever done… and it felt damn good. As soon as graduation was over, I was right back studying for my boards. I locked myself in my room hours on end doing questions after questions and tests after tests. It was worth it because I passed.

By July 2015, I had completed two of the hardest things I have ever done. I was on cloud nine. Five years of really dedicating myself to something was finally worth it. By August I had accepted a full time RN position in my dream specialty. The first few weeks of working, and my first few paychecks (lets keep it real) I kept thinking to myself, this is why it was worth it. For the feeling of helping people, for the rush that comes over you when a patient is crashing, even for the exhaustion that comes after working three twelve hour shifts in a row, you know deep down in your heart that you are doing something not many people can do. I loved it, and I was hooked.

A major reason why I was so motivated to complete nursing school, and be successful was because I wanted to have a comfortable life. I was fortunate to grow up and see both my parents work hard to provide their family with everything they needed and more. I wanted that. I had a serious boyfriend throughout college for five years and every time I got down in the dumps and was frustrated with how much studying I was doing and the lack of sleep and social life, I would look at him and quickly be reminded why I was working so hard. I wanted a good life for us. Of course I was doing it for me too but in reality I was doing it for us. We had plans after college. Goals and dreams that we wanted to accomplish and achieve together. I was ready to finish out 2015 was a bang and think "Wow 2015 was my year. Our year". 

Unfortunately, that's not how 2015 ended. It was a rough rest of the year between switching to night shift, a breakup, a family death, etc. It was really tough to swallow. My goals and dreams suddenly needed to be shifted. All of a sudden I was going through this thing called life alone. Of course I had my family and girlfriends by my side but you know what I mean. It was scary and I didn't quite know what to do. The end of 2015 didn't quite end of how it started and it was a big stab to my heart. After accomplishing so much and being on cloud nine, how could it really end up like this?

As this blog states, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. However, it's a hard concept to believe in when your life completely changes and your world turns upside down. With the start of the new year, I have one concept I want to keep in mind. I don't want to make any resolutions or promises to myself. I want to be able to tell myself that everything gets better with time. Even though yesterday, today, or next week I won't understand why certain things and events happened, I do know that it gets better with time. February was better than December, today was better than yesterday and next month is going to be better than the last.

So here's to 2016! Believing that everything does happen for a reason and it only gets better with time.

My Rheumatoid Arthritis Journey

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now but, every time I sat down to write, I just couldn't. For one, it is a longggggg story and trying to keep it short and concise didn't seem possible. Also, it's all still kind of emotional for me. However, I was just browsing on Pinterest and saw this pin that said "10 signs you have an Autoimmune Disease and how to cure it" and it actually made me sort of mad and gave me some inspiration to write this post. It has also been a little over a year since the beginning of my journey with Rheumatoid Arthritis, and it seems like good timing.

Starting in May 2014, I gradually started to develop pain in my feet along with some swelling. At this point I was working anywhere between 50 and 60 hours a week between two jobs, and both jobs required being on my feet a lot. Basically, I didn't think much of it. Obviously my feet were hurting because I was on them for an extensive amount of time repetitively. I started to take Motrin routinely and made a conscious effort to wear compression socks and elevate my feet as much as possible.

Well, weeks went on and the pain started to get worse. The pain was all over my feet; toes, top of my feet, the bottom, the heels, every inch of my feet were in pain. Walking up and down stairs was brutal. It felt like the back of my heels were stretching apart with each step. It was also worse in the morning. Getting out of bed was seriously starting to become a chore. As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning I could feel the swelling and pain. I would wince and moan in pain as I first started to bear weight on my feet. At this point, the only thing that made it better was to get moving. It hurt like hell for the first hour or so of being on my feet but, it was bearable after that.

Once again I started to do some research and talked to various health care providers that I knew personally. All of my symptoms lead me to believe I had Plantar Fasciitis. I went out and bought new supportive sneakers, and continued taking antiinflammatories. My wonderful boss at the restaurant I worked at also had experience with the painful condition, and he gave me this awesome foot board to practice certain stretches.

More weeks passed by, and nothing was helping. I finally caved and made a doctors appointment. I was pretty damn miserable at this point. I was crying a lot, and was just cranky and bitchy the majority of the time. I vividly remembering walking down the stairs in the morning step by step, slow as molasses, and my Mom would always be in the living room having coffee and I would just sit down next to her in tears because walking down a flight of stairs was that painful and miserable.

Finally the day of my doctor appointment comes and I was hopeful to get some answers. Well, at this point I still saw my pediatrician. She comes in and goes on to tell me how she can't treat me because I was too old. I was under the impression that I could see her until I was out of college. Why the office couldn't tell me this when I made the appointment was beyond me and I was beyond pissed off. Yes, maybe it was my fault and I should have known but, I was in some serious pain and now I needed to wait even longer to find a new doctor and make a new appointment… I wish I was making this up.

It's almost July by this point. I found a new doctor, and made a new appointment. Well, we all know how those things work and the closest appointment wasn't until early August. I continued to deal with the pain as best as I could but, it was really starting to have an effect on my daily life. It was also around this time that I started to notice the same pain I was having in my feet, I was having in my fingers, hands, and shoulders. I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to hang out with my friends and go to the beach like a young 22 year old should be doing on Cape Cod in the summer. I wanted to stay home and put my feet up with bags of peas wrapped around my feet. I honestly avoided everything.

The breaking point for me was when my boyfriend planned a day date for us. We live about an hour apart from each other and we had opposite working schedules so we didn't see each other as much as we liked. He was sweet enough to plan a whole day of fun stuff for us to do. We were walking around Chatham, shopping in all the cute little stores and enjoying a beautiful summer day. When I think of that day, all I think about is how miserable and uncomfortable I was. Here I was with my boyfriend who I pretty much never saw, who planned a whole day just for us, and all I could focus on was how much pain I was in. I broke down crying and just wanted to go home. That's when I had it, and when I really realized I needed to do something because something was wrong.

-- TOO FUNNY

I ended up going to an urgent care clinic. The doctor recommended doing some lab work and a tapered dose of prednisone to relieve my discomfort. The steroid was a 10 day dose pack and WOW… I felt fabulous for those 10 days! The swelling, redness around my joints and pain all went away. I was myself again! Unfortunately, that didn't last long and I was right back to where I was 10 days prior.

Towards the end of August I was finally able to see my primary care physician. After reviewing my symptoms and lab work he referred me to a rheumatologist. The only problem being that I was leaving for college three hours away from home in a few weeks and there was no way a specialist was going to fit me in before then. As much as I didn't want to, I decided to set up an appointment with a rheumatologist that was near my school.

My first appointment with my rheumatologist was in the beginning of October. We must have talked for over an hour about the events that have happened since May. He was so thorough and really listened to what I was saying. After reviewing my labs, X-rays, symptoms and some assessments he told me I have rheumatoid arthritis. Finally… an answer! We started talking about treatment options and after going back and fourth with questions and answers we decided to start me on Methotrexate. I continued to see my rheumatologist every 3-4 weeks until May 2015. There was a lot of medications adjustments, lab work, etc which was the reason I needed to see him so often.

So how am I doing now? GREAT! Of course I have flare-ups and some days are better than others but, I have come to accept that. I currently take a few different medications to manage my RA. Methotrexate, Enbrel, and Nabumetone. It took a lot of trial and error with doses and medications to see what worked for me. Cortisone shots during really tough flares were helpful too. Not to mention all the non-pharmalogical methods I do and use to manage my RA. But, it all feels like a distant memory now. I was hanging out with my best friend Carly one day last April and she looks at me and says "You seem so much happier lately". I think that was the moment where I finally realized I was, and that I was myself again. The pain from RA is just miserable, cruel and can really effect your day to day life.

I am so thankful to have found a beyond wonderful rheumatologist and that I am able to have treatment for my RA. Everybody is different and what works for me, might not work for you or be the treatment option you would choose. Some people with RA choose to manage it holistically, or with their diet and thats great. No one knows your body like you do, so listen to it and treat it right however you choose.

I share my story in hopes of helping others who are in a similar situation. I love hearing from readers, so please leave comments, messages, email etc if you have any questions, or want to share your story because I would love to hear them!

Goodbye Summer 2015

Summer on Cape Cod never disappoints. As I sit here drinking a pumpkin beer on the official first day of Fall, I can't help but look back on the summer. I'd have to say, this past season was one full of great memories. It certainly had some rough times with events and memories that I'd like to leave it the past but, overall I'd say it was a summer I'll remember for a very long time. 

My favorite memory of Summer 2015 would of course have to be passing the NCLEX and officially becoming a RN. It was easily the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. Landing a job in my dream specialty comes in a close second. Nursing is the best profession. 

I had my fair share of lobster rolls, seafood, onion rings, and ice cream. All important parts of summer on Cape Cod. I mean have you been to Somerset Creamery? It's easily the best ice cream on Cape.

 

                                 

                                       

Parked my beach chair in the sand quite a few times. 

Oh, how could I have forgotten about afternoons and evenings at the Chartroom? Mudslides are the perfect afternoon pick me up in the summer. 

Volunteered at the Falmouth Road Race and ALS Cliff Walk. I officially got to cross something off my bucket list- working side by side as a nurse with the best nurse I know.  She (my mom) is really a bad ass, and if I could be half the nurse she is one day, I'd be lucky. 

I went to quite a few bridal/wedding/bachelorette events! Super fun spending time with great girlfriends planning weddings, picking out bridesmaid dresses, going to a wedding, and a fun bachelorette parties!

A few evening spent riding my bike at the Cape Cod Canal. It's my favorite place to ride because it is so beautiful, especially at sunset. There are so many spots to park and jump on the canal on either side of the bridge. 

Oh, the sunsets. They never get old. 

Most importantly, my health has improved so much from last year. Last summer was really tough for me because it was when all of the autoimmune problems started happening and I basically didn't enjoy the summer. That may sound dramatic but, I was extremely miserable, sad, and depressed for the majority of the time last year. I remember it so vividly because this summer I would go do things like ride my bike at the canal, walk my dog, or spend the day at the beach and I was hesitant because the last time I did those things, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't enjoy it. I'm so lucky and thankful to have found treatment that works for me because I'm happy and myself again. I'll touch on this more in upcoming posts but, I am so thankful for my health this summer. It allowed me to enjoy another Cape Cod summer, which is the best place to spend any summer. 

I love my home. <3

Question:

What is your favorite summer memory?